Jokes And Humor Pics

Discussion in 'Front Porch Chat' started by phideaux, Dec 3, 2017.

  1. Feb 2, 2018 #511

    phideaux

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    [​IMG]

    Jim
     
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  2. Feb 2, 2018 #512

    Sentry18

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  3. Feb 2, 2018 #513

    Caribou

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    As a child, I always had a fear of someone under the bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him: I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
    “Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink….. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
    “How much do you charge?” I asked.
    “One hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
    “I'll sleep on it,” I said.
    Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
    “Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”
    “Is that so?” and with a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you"
    “He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”
    I guess it’s always better to get a second opinion.
     
  4. Feb 2, 2018 #514

    Sentry18

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    a6cfcc26f553af4e91c4081a8a8822e0_width-600.jpeg
     
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  5. Feb 3, 2018 #515

    Resto

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    They also get used for Taxi Cabs here. Couple of Illegals thought they were "Hailing A Cab", after knocking on my door after dark. I call 911. County sent 2 units. They got a Big Surprise. So did the Deputies, there were 17 of them hiding near my house. INS came with lots of Trucks and people. I talked to the Deputies after. It was Hilarious.
     
  6. Feb 3, 2018 #516

    Sentry18

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    I was once driving an unmarked Crown Vic with a partner on our way back from using a CI to buy some dope. We stopped at a red light and suddenly the back door opens up and two guys climb in. The first guy tells me where to go and so I shrug my shoulders, said all right and started driving. The second guy then asks where they can buy some drugs. My partner said he had some and as as they exchange dope for cash in the car I drove down the alley to a substation and into the garage. My partner had keyed his radio mic so the whole unit heard what was going on. By the time the two guys knew was was happening they had been ripped out of the back seat and were laying face down on concrete. Prosecutor was not happy to have to use the same evidence in 2 different cases.
     
  7. Feb 4, 2018 #517

    snappy1

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    I think that's an excellent use of all resources!
     
  8. Feb 4, 2018 #518

    phideaux

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  9. Feb 5, 2018 #519

    Resto

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    LMBO
     
  10. Feb 5, 2018 #520

    BBQJoe

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    Beautiful!
     
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  11. Feb 5, 2018 #521

    LastO

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  12. Feb 5, 2018 #522

    LastO

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  13. Feb 5, 2018 #523

    snappy1

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    Wow! That is a beautiful tree house/cabin!!!
     
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  14. Feb 5, 2018 #524

    Terri9630

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    Well there's the problem.... Don't go out when its -40°. :-o
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2018
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  15. Feb 5, 2018 #525

    LastO

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    I would love to tell you it is mine but....mine looks nothing like that! LOL
     
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  16. Feb 5, 2018 #526

    LastO

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    I had some older opened MREs that I was selling and the buyer asked if I could meet him after 11PM. We met outside a McDonalds. I was waiting for him and texted to ask what he was driving... he texted back "Crown Vic". I got a little worried. White crown Vic pulls up and guy gets out in a police uniform. I almost crapped my pants. He opens the back door and says toss them in here. Austin police officer. We talked a bit about the possibilities of a market crash, the numbers of APD that were left and right , what he would do in a crash scenario... then he said " I hope to see you on the other side" and got in his car and drove off.
     
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2018
  17. Feb 5, 2018 #527

    BugoutBob

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    -40 isn’t too bad, if you dress for it and keep active. when it gets really cold we stay home. I have been snowmobiling at -56 and a windchill of over -100 ... that’s too cold for man or machine. I was younger and much less wise in those days
     
  18. Feb 5, 2018 #528

    Terri9630

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    Your nuts! Any negative temp is to cold go be out in. :eyeballs:
     
  19. Feb 5, 2018 #529

    Weedygarden

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    What is the coldest temp you have experienced? Me? -50.
     
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  20. Feb 5, 2018 #530

    Caribou

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    I've seen -55F on the thermometer and I've been out when it seemed much colder. I wouldn't leave to go hunting much below -20F but it would often get quite a bit colder after we left. A high windshield on the snowmobile helps and proper clothing is key. Minus 40 is no big deal and I've made quick trips to the car and back in a tee shirt. I did put on gloves so I could open the car door. Okay, okay, there was no wind. Any wind at all changes the equation.
     
  21. Feb 5, 2018 #531

    Weedygarden

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    Yes, wind changes everything. It can feel warm if you are in a place where the wind is not blowing on you, but step into the wind, a huge difference. I experience this frequently when I go to one dog park. It is on a creek and is like a wind tunnel. I was walking on a path, down from a 6 + foot wall, with rows of townhomes above and with no hat or scarf, I was sweating. Then I went to the dog park and had on my scarf and hat and some blankets and I was cold. And it was sunnier at the dog park. It was all about the wind.
     
  22. Feb 5, 2018 #532

    Sentry18

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    daily-afternoon-randomness-49-photos-12.jpg
     
  23. Feb 5, 2018 #533

    Terri9630

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    -6 with wind chill of -14.
     
  24. Feb 5, 2018 #534

    Terri9630

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  25. Feb 5, 2018 #535

    Weedygarden

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    It doesn't get much easier than that, does it?
     
  26. Feb 5, 2018 #536

    Sentry18

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    Easiest arrest I ever had came when I was about 25 years old. I was standing in the parking lot of the police department talking with some of the guys coming on shift. A very intoxicated male driving down the road just happened to turn on the sidewalk thinking it was a road and slammed into a row of parked police cars. I walked about 20' and pulled him out of the car. He was arrested for felony DUI, reckless endangerment, 3 counts of felony intentional property damage, 4 counts of misdemeanor intentional property damage and driving on a sidewalk. We now have motor vehicle barriers all around the lot, except where you are supposed to drive.
     
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  27. Feb 5, 2018 #537

    Sentry18

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    c20432b16621a8ebe53b15b299291f72_width-600wtmk.jpg
     
  28. Feb 5, 2018 #538

    backlash

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    Location:
    Dry and sane side of Washington
    -35 in Fargo ND in Feb.
    We had to keep our beer in an ice chest to keep it from freezing.
    I let some Air Force guys talk me into ice fishing on Devils Lake.
    Ice fishing is just another excuse to start drinking early.
     
  29. Feb 5, 2018 #539

    Weedygarden

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    Why not, Minot?






    Freezin is the reason!
     
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  30. Feb 5, 2018 #540

    Weedygarden

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    I know I have shared this before, but the -50 was in Williston, ND. The wind chill was -200.
     
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